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Creative energy, and the miracles of social networking December 14, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

I’ve been very full of creative energy and new ideas for projects lately, but just not enough time to get them all done.  It’s a little frustration, but a nice change of atmosphere.  Because a few months ago I had a serious drive to make things, but just ran out of ideas or inspiration.

But it’s all been flooding back into me.  It’s about damn time.

I’ve also been thinking about relationships and the connections that bring us together.

For example, let’s take two very dear people to me, Doniree and Alex.  Doniree just happens to be family and has been stuck with me for literally her.whole.life.  (sorry, D).  And Alex is basically family, being my VBFF and all.  And not too long ago (I think it was actually at my wedding) they met and I think they realized they had a ton in common.  And they do.  And now, through the miracles of social networking, they’ve been able to foster that friendship even more.

Without blogs and twitter, that might have never been possible.


On babies December 12, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

Just a moment ago, my 3-month-old nephew was asleep laid across my chest.  He is so snuggly and adorable.  And all I can think about is how much I can’t wait until I’m snuggling with my own baby.


Coming to terms with losing a baby has been the absolute hardest thing that I’ve ever done, and now it just feels like the worst nightmare that I ever had. The rush of joy that I had for those few short weeks of my pregnancy brings tears to my eyes, and then I’m back down to reality, and the hard crash of overwhelming sadness after hearing the baby was gone.

The first few weeks after, all I could think about was being pregnant again.  Several negative pregnancy tests later, and I’m even further into sadness.  But it doesn’t consume every waking thought anymore, just most of them.

I’m learning to come to terms with our loss, and just accepting that these are the cards that we’ve been dealt.  We’ve been dealt shitty ones over the years, probably more crappy ones than any couple should have to endure together.  And this year has just been shit-tastic.  But, I just keep telling myself that it makes us stronger as a couple, and I know that we can handle anything the universe sends our way.

And one day, we’ll make a baby.  I hope.

The one where I was able to recover from a cold December 11, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

Monday night, while at work. I felt like a cold was coming on.  My eyes and nose were burning, my throat was scratchy, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

So Tuesday I felt like crud when I woke up, and it got worse as they day went on.  Yuck.  So I was able to get a shift covered at work easily (thank goodness) and I had asked off for a few days this week to get some things done and prep for the holidays, so that was a fortunate turn of events.  I actually had plenty of time to get over this cold instead of having to work through it for a change, and that has been the biggest blessing I could have imagined.

I do love my job.  I love the flexibility, and the camaraderie, and I really love being able to make people’s days with a coffee or a latte, but what kills me is that you can’t just take a sick a day when you need it. You have to call around, or call in favors, and switch things and it’s such a pain, especially when you feel like you’ve been hit by a semi-truck.

But this time it was different.  This time I had several days off, and am recuperating like most people would be able to recuperate, and it’s been seriously wonderful.

So much more to be thankful for. November 26, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

I am seriously thankful for so much.

  • My friends (and family whom I consider to be friends).  My friends encourage me, keep me grounded, and help me through tough shit.  And we giggle a lot together.
  • A reasonable amount of smarts.
  • My cats.  Cosmo and Nettles are, many days, the highlight of my life.  Sometimes they keep me up all night, or get into something they’re not supposed to, but they really make my life better.
  • The internet and social media.  Without which I wouldn’t be able to look up all the weird crap I look at on the internet on a daily basis.  (The Oatmeal, I’m looking at you as a huge time waster!)
  • 20sb.  I know I’m not very active in the community, but I’m changing that and without that community I wouldn’t have found some really amazing people.  And Erin, this kid journey has been painful for you (and mine hasn’t been happy), and I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this.  But I’m thankful that you shared your journey with us, and I know that I am not alone.
  • Did I mention that I’m thankful for eyeshadow and mascara yet?  And concealer?
  • I’m also thankful that I have crochet and knit skills.  This is something that I am actually good at, and I enjoy doing it.  And very soon there will be an etsy shop to show for it.  Keep your eyeballs open for the launch!

Everything I needed to know about life, I learned from working at Starbucks November 25, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.
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When I think of all the posts that I have about SBUX and working there, I think most of them are about rude people and bitter customers.

But I seldom talk about the happy interactions with my customers every day.  They are the reason I love what I do.  They are the reason I do not mind getting up before dawn when it’s cold as hell outside.

A recent post of mine about bitter customers was linked to on a very well written little piece on http://gumption.typepad.com/ and while I feel all excited that my post was included in a post that I feel is really great, I’m sad that it’s about bitter customers, and not the happy ones.  And that’s my fault.

So unless something REALLY ridiculous happens this holiday season at my SBUX, I’m going to report on my happy daily interactions with the people who I serve every day.

So much to be Thankful for. November 24, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

I have mixed feelings about autumn.

On one hand, there is so much beauty in the Autumn.  The leaves change colors and decorate the world in golds, reds, oranges.  When and if the sky is ever blue, the blue is so vibrant and so clear it’s difficult to not stop in wonder at the naturally occurring beauty that surrounds.

But as that beauty fades in the bleakness that is winter, I grow more and more wistful.  The leaves are rejected from their trees, and fall to the ground and become empty brown shells to remind us of their former glory.

But when everything begins to fade for the winter, I’m always reminded to give thanks for all of the beautiful things.  Partly because right as thanksgiving creeps up, it’s time for everything to die.  And partly because when things get depressing, I try to focus on the good things.

So, here are some superficial and not so superficial things that I am thankful for:

  1. I am more thankful than I can even describe for the love and friendship that I have with Chris.  I never ever could have imagined that marriage would have been this easy, or this wonderful.
  2. My family is so supportive, and such an awesome group of people.  Everyone should be so lucky.
  3. I am thankful for our jobs for many reasons.  Our jobs put food on the table, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our head.  And we don’t hate our jobs.
  4. I am thankful for mascara.
  5. I am also thankful for eyeshadow.  In all colors and shades.

Because my life revolves around this now. November 20, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

Here’s a little warning for those of you who don’t want to hear about “woman things” or whatever, but I’m not apologizing, because this is my life now.

Lets just go ahead and say it.  My period decided to visit this past week.  No, I’m not calling it Aunt Flow, or The Old Bat.  It’s my effing period.

And let me just go ahead and say that to a woman who wants nothing more than a child of her her own, having a period feels like the most depressing thing I’ve ever experienced.  I know that there are worse things (for example, the death of a family member or losing a pregnancy), but having a period at this point certainly feels like the worst.possible.thing to endure.

It’s this little reminder, with pain, and mood swings, and headaches, and all of the other symptoms, that you still don’t have that one thing that you’ve been basically begging the universe for.

And it’s not fair.

And it effing sucks.

And it really feels like a large and very sick joke being played on  you by some “other being”.  Or if you don’t believe in that sort of thing, like I pretty much don’t, it just feels like you have the worst possible luck.  Ever.  And it’s just a simple reminder that life sucks, and isn’t fair, and it really doesn’t matter what kind of karma you put out there.  Because doesn’t it seem that those that should have the worst karma get what they want all the time?

And that those who try to put the good stuff out there in the universe get bitten in the ass more often than not?

I may sound a little silly right now, but unless you’ve walked in these shoes, you can’t imagine how depressing a period is.


Everything I needed to learn about life, I learned from working at Starbucks November 17, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

I know that many of my posts about working for SBUX have to do with angry customers.

And unfortunately, the moments of my day that stay in my head are typically the ones with the angry people who belittle me and my baristas, or who are so bitter they just leave that toxic mess with you and it ruins your day.

I try to remember the people I see every day who are kind, and polite and who actually seem to really care about how I’m doing as a person.  Let me just mention that one of our regular customers was one of the recovery nurses in the hospital after my D&C this past august, and that she’s so kind and sweet to all of us, every day.  And I am so happy to reciprocate her kindness and make her the best damned latte I can.

But over the past year I’ve noticed how much more bitter my customers have become.  More and more of the people I serve in my cafe are bitter and in a hurry and generally unhappy.  And that brings me down.  Seriously.

It brings me down to know that so many people are unhappy.  Because despite a lot of shit that’s piled up this year, I see a lot of good stuff, too.  And I’m happy.  I’ve figured out what I needed and have found my happy place, my place of contentment, and purpose in my day-to-day.

And I want more people to find that.

Why people flake. November 12, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.
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I’ve seen a lot of really shitty stuff happen to people around me in my life time.  And some shitty things have happened to me, too.  But overall, I think my life has been pretty hitch-free.

But during every crappy situation I’ve had to witness people go through, and the ones I’ve lived through myself, there’s something that I see others doing that infuriates me.

Friends flake when the shit hits the fan.  Of course not everyone flakes out, but you know what I’m talking about.  There’s the emotionally distant friend who can’t mentally handle what you’re going through.  There’s the friend who acts like nothings different, and then you don’t hear from them after awhile when you just aren’t the same person for the time being.  There’s the friend who lashes out when you’re going through something hard to handle.  You know, the one who makes you feel bad for feeling bad.

I understand the emotionally distant friend.  Sometimes situations in the real world are really difficult to handle for people who haven’t been forced to deal with super-shitty life moments.  I understand the friend who feels you have nothing in common or can’t see eye to eye because that person wants to go party and do things exactly like before, and for whatever reason, your life is different because of whatever it was you had to deal with.  It may take a really long time for you to be “back to normal” or in a state of mind to just let loose and party, especially if you’ve lost a sibling, or parent, or close friend.

What I don’t understand, and get infuriated when I think about it, are the “friends” who flake out and attack the person who’s having a hard time.

I’ve thought long and hard about this behavior.  In high school, my BFFs father died unexpectedly.  The man was like a second father, her home a second home, and one day he dies.  I was able to keep my shit together for my friend for awhile, but one day I just couldn’t do it, and my boyfriend of time was no help, and told me I just needed to get over it.  When push came to shove, the jerk couldn’t handle the real world (and probably still can’t) and he hurt me deeply.  So, I’ve considered this type of behavior for awhile now.  10-ish years or so.

I think it all boils down to guilt.

If your friend can’t deal with emotions, or death, or whatever it is, they begin to feel guilty.  Then, once the guilt sits in that someone is having a hard time and they’re being a little shit about it, they become angry with themselves. But these are the types of people who think they can do no wrong and view the anger as your fault, because you made them feel bad in the first place.  So they lash out, and tell you to “get over it”, and that you’re not a good friend because you’re bringing them down all the time.

Heads up peeps.  Life isn’t all pink daisies and peppermint mochas and disney movies.  Sometimes life is all about stinging nettles, ipecac, and dark dramas.


Top 5 fave products, currently. November 11, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

Because I enjoy knowing what kind of “beauty” products actually work, I’m going to list the current things I’m loving:

  1. Boots Botanics Clay Mask – Need a zit to go away?  This stuff is amazing.  I don’t know how it works, but I know that it lessens the time a zit hangs around.
  2. Urban Decay 24/7 Eyeliner in Bourbon – These liners go on very smoothly, and stay for a long time.  This color brown is  perfect, in my opinion.
  3. The Body Shop Tea Tree Gel Face Cleanser – Excellent cleanser for oily skin. Gets rid of the oils but doesn’t strip the moisture.
  4. The Body Shop Chamomile Eye Makeup Remover – Nice eye makeup remover.  It’s super gentle if gotten in the eyes (oops), and moisturizing to the whole eye area.
  5. MAC eyeshadow in Mulch –  I love this brown.  I’ve been really loving browns lately.