Why people flake. November 12, 2009Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.
I’ve seen a lot of really shitty stuff happen to people around me in my life time. And some shitty things have happened to me, too. But overall, I think my life has been pretty hitch-free.
But during every crappy situation I’ve had to witness people go through, and the ones I’ve lived through myself, there’s something that I see others doing that infuriates me.
Friends flake when the shit hits the fan. Of course not everyone flakes out, but you know what I’m talking about. There’s the emotionally distant friend who can’t mentally handle what you’re going through. There’s the friend who acts like nothings different, and then you don’t hear from them after awhile when you just aren’t the same person for the time being. There’s the friend who lashes out when you’re going through something hard to handle. You know, the one who makes you feel bad for feeling bad.
I understand the emotionally distant friend. Sometimes situations in the real world are really difficult to handle for people who haven’t been forced to deal with super-shitty life moments. I understand the friend who feels you have nothing in common or can’t see eye to eye because that person wants to go party and do things exactly like before, and for whatever reason, your life is different because of whatever it was you had to deal with. It may take a really long time for you to be “back to normal” or in a state of mind to just let loose and party, especially if you’ve lost a sibling, or parent, or close friend.
What I don’t understand, and get infuriated when I think about it, are the “friends” who flake out and attack the person who’s having a hard time.
I’ve thought long and hard about this behavior. In high school, my BFFs father died unexpectedly. The man was like a second father, her home a second home, and one day he dies. I was able to keep my shit together for my friend for awhile, but one day I just couldn’t do it, and my boyfriend of time was no help, and told me I just needed to get over it. When push came to shove, the jerk couldn’t handle the real world (and probably still can’t) and he hurt me deeply. So, I’ve considered this type of behavior for awhile now. 10-ish years or so.
I think it all boils down to guilt.
If your friend can’t deal with emotions, or death, or whatever it is, they begin to feel guilty. Then, once the guilt sits in that someone is having a hard time and they’re being a little shit about it, they become angry with themselves. But these are the types of people who think they can do no wrong and view the anger as your fault, because you made them feel bad in the first place. So they lash out, and tell you to “get over it”, and that you’re not a good friend because you’re bringing them down all the time.
Heads up peeps. Life isn’t all pink daisies and peppermint mochas and disney movies. Sometimes life is all about stinging nettles, ipecac, and dark dramas.