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Today is not my favorite. November 2, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.
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I apologize ahead of time for the cryptic nature of this post.

Since January I’ve been facing some moral dilemmas in my life.  A situation developed within some family and things that I didn’t believe had grey areas suddenly NEEDED grey areas.

It’s hard to believe something to be strictly “black and white” and then suddenly, out of preservation and support for people that you love, you have to reconcile the amalgamation of black and white and accept the grey.

That was harder for me than I ever could have imagined.  It took weeks for me to be able to accept “grey” instead of “black”, and it has since become easier.  But I have a feeling that if I had different ideas of “morality”, this wouldn’t have been something I was able to work through.

Well, today that situation sort of ends.  Well, it starts a new book, I suppose.  And Chris is with his family while they deal with something ridiculous and heartbreaking.  And I couldn’t make myself go.  I just couldn’t.

And now I feel guilty and a failure as a wife, friend, sister and daughter in law.

But was there anything to be gained by me being there?  Who knows, but what I know is that my selfishness has left Chris there without me.  Blah.

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Comments»

1. Denise - November 10, 2009

Sometimes, you just have to separate yourself. sometimes, it sucks. Sometimes, it makes you a better person…a more attentive friend/partner/etc. Don’t beat yourself up about this. It’s normal, and sometimes, normal is good


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