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In the spirit of more disclosure September 23, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.
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I’ve made the decision to be more candid in my posts, and so that means no more second guessing my posts BEFORE I even write them.  It means that now I’m going to write the posts, and then if I’m still unsure, I’ll save them and then revisit them.

I went back and read a few posts from a year ago, from when I was in school still and working my way towards a teaching degree.  And last fall was truly a turning point in my life.  Looking back, I see exactly what has changed, and which parts of me are better, worse or the same.

Last fall was the culmination of feelings that had been dominating me and my personality for a long time.  I’d always thought I’d be a teacher, and so I was back in school to achieve that dream.  But the more I got into the field, the more I realized that it was less about imparting knowledge, and more about creating little capitalist and brainless automatons.  School was more about creating the ideal body of citizenry (dumber, more complacent, less capable of questioning the status quo) who would accept the fact that every moment of their lives were now dictated to them.  Go to school.  Get a job.  Work until you die.  And don’t disturb the pattern.  If you disturb the pattern, we’ll give you detention, or suspend you, or even worse, we’ll shame you in front of your peers until your spirit is dead and you unthinkingly just do what we tell you.

Oh, tangent.  Sorry about that, because that is not where I was going with this post, but it’s something I do feel strongly about.

Back to the point.  I wanted to teach until I realized in the current system I would simply be worsening the situation, and so therefore lost my drive and was mostly depressed about it.  I was desperately searching for my purpose in life.  For years I thought I was looking for my “something else”, because it always felt like there was something more out there.  One day I sat down and I did a word study on the words “something else” and discovered I wasn’t looking for a thing undefined that wasn’t where I was. I learned that I was searching for my purpose else.  My purpose in life.

So I started taking stock, and I started learning where I fit, and why I believe that I am right where I am supposed to be.  And I may not have a “real job” according to some people, and my choice of trade may seem meaningless to some (and I must admit, that sometimes, my job does seem a little pointless), but it is not meaningless to me, and I can honestly say that I’m happy with where I am, with where Chris and I are, and with where I and we are going.

And I think my cousin Doni and I are going to be working on a project to further explore being happy, content, and finding our purpose in life.  And I’m so excited, because maybe that’s the message I’ve been looking for to put out there, and maybe that’s the reason I’m here.

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Comments»

1. doniree - September 23, 2009

Yes, yes, yes.

And then yes again.

I’m SO excited to finally get this rolling. We have come SO FAR in a year, in more, and I just know we’re headed in directions that are going to blow our minds.

Let’s do this!

2. Bluebelle - September 23, 2009

Looking forward to reading about your project!

3. Alex - September 23, 2009

🙂
Sounds exciting.
I know for me personally, I am in awe of how far I have come and how much I love life. I am also in awe of some of the good friends who I have seen grow up along with me.
“The obstacles ARE the path.” “Happiness is a journey, not a destination.”
HUGS!

4. holly - September 25, 2009

ok. but i really need you to finish the mascara project.


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