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Editing September 23, 2009

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

I have been contemplating updating, and what to update about, and when I think about relating emotional messes (something I’ve become quite accustomed to lately), I then think, “Well, no one wants to hear about that.”  But then I think, “well, that’s wrong.  Why wouldn’t they?”  And then I think, “So who cares, I’m gonna update whatever the eff I please, thankyouverymuch.”  And then I pretty much lose the desire to post about my first emotional mess, because I’m in the throes of self-doubt and “why would anyone want to hear what I have to say.”

But then I think, “I want to hear what others have to say, so what’s different”, and then I’m back at square one.

I’ve always wanted to share what I have to say, but in the great American tradition of keeping emotions and feelings to yourself, I always second guess posting what I’m actually feeling that may not be socially “acceptable”.  I mean, frustration over work is definitely socially acceptable, and feelings about books or movies, but probably not my feelings over a miscarriage or even my feelings towards my husband.  This was made kinda clear to me yesterday when I mentioned something about my pregnancy to a coworker and it made him visibly uncomfortable.  I just didn’t think it would make someone that uncomfortable to just mention in passing.  And when I say coworker, I actually mean a very good friend, because that’s how we roll at my SBUX.  We’re really a big family.

Anyway, all that to say that I never know what is “appropriate”, but then I think “so what, it’s my damn blog, bitches”.  So, I think my next goal for my blog is to be a little more candid.  Maybe not full disclosure, because this emotion thing is relatively new to me. But definitely more candid.  Because that’s where I am now, and I’m ok with that, even if I live a relatively edited life.



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