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Beauty in the Breakdown August 5, 2008

Posted by Michelle, with dignity in Uncategorized.

The past week has been so difficult for me.  I have seen so many important people in my life lose their important people, and I know what to do for others when they are grieving.  What does one do for ones self?  


Today my Aunt Denise asked me if one can be taught how to handle the death of a loved one, or if it’s something that every person has to go through.  I thought for a minute, and my answer was quite simple.  “No”, I replied.  

The only thing I think helps is the some belief in an afterlife or something, and I told her that.  She asked if I believed in that.  “No”, I replied.  

“You don’t believe that Papa is somewhere fishing with Reggie right now?”

“No.  It’s a nice thought, but there’s no way to know.” I said.  I think my lack of faith was disappointing to her.  I know that’s not the answer she wanted.  

We decided that people must go through grief in their own ways, and there’s really nothing anyone can do but be around for the breakdown.  So, I saw how hard a time my Grandma had today, how hard my Mom was taking things today.  My heart breaks for them.  I think the hardest part for me has been seeing the pain that they are in.  My Grandparents had been married for 61 years this year, a love affair that began when Grandma was 12 and in the Harmony Baptist Church Choir with Papa.  It is the greatest love I’ll ever know.  It is the sweetest story I’ll ever know, and I’ve had the privilege of knowing it personally.


I found out later that the reason my Aunt Denise asked me was for the benefit of my mother.  Someone had told Mom that she had to be the example to teach her children how to go through grief.  My poor Mom, thinking that she had to “hold it together” so that he kids would know what to do when they’re in the throws of sadness.  But, that’s not the case.  Every one must grieve in their own way – and there’s no “one way” to grieve either.  I hope that through our discussion Mom saw that she doesn’t have to “be” anything to get through the death of her father.  She just needs to take care of herself.



1. Holly - August 5, 2008

snif, snif…

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